Forgiving God

Valerie Hayden Dropping Jewelbe still and know

Early in my healing journey, I ran into a big problem. It was something I couldn’t blame anyone else for, it was all mine. I was just too proud to admit I struggled with it. The name of my problem is pride. Not the proper pride if there is such a thing. Mine is the pride that will not bow before Jesus unless I deliberately force it with my will.

The depth of my pride was revealed in one of the two memories I have of Dad molesting me. I  begged God for years to ‘PLEASE make Dad STOP!’ I knew God could. I believed He should because I asked Him to. By the time I was nine or so, I was done begging. I remember screaming at Him in my head, “Fine, God, if you won’t make Dad stop, I’ll TAKE CARE OF IT MYSELF!!!!” Living in marriage number five today shows how well THAT worked for me. However, I will share what I have learned about my Father God after all of these years. Are you ready? Here it comes!

God doesn’t think like we do.

Isaiah 55:8 gives us a very clear picture about God’s thoughts. “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways.”

Standing in my nine year old pride I couldn’t see the end of my Dad’s life like God did. I couldn’t see suffering as a child meant I would turn Dad in to the law as an adult. I couldn’t see that after ten years in prison Dad would surrender to Jesus. I couldn’t see God’s perfect timing in restoring the relationship between Dad and Jesus, between Dad and me, between Jesus and me. But God sees my end from the beginning, before I was ever born. His ‘timetable’ is for all  eternity. Yes, there is pain in this world. Yes, there is suffering in this world. Yes there is evil in this world. However, from God’s perspective, evil will be dealt with once and for all in about six of His days. “… beloved, do not forget this one thing, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.” 2 Peter 3:8

Somewhere in my healing journey, I chose to forgive God for not stopping Dad. Maybe it happened when I finally realized that God used my suffering to bring one of His children home for all eternity. I also realized that, while shaking my fist at Him in pride, God still loved me. He saw me healed, strong and whole. He saw me writing this story. He saw it going out to you, the hurting woman reading this, to tell you He loves you. It’s impossible for Him to stop loving you because God is love. He wants you to know He has a plan for you, to give you hope and a future, even if you can’t see it today.

Will you let God reveal His love to you right now?

 

 

 

Holiday Greetings

mrandmrsCan you believe 2014 is only few days away?! Wow! This has been a difficult but rewarding year for the Bynum family. Recently we reflected on all the storms He saw us through this past year and are floored by His power yet again. Last Christmas my husband was in Afghanistan while my children and I were at home…alone. My husband and I celebrated our 17th anniversary on December 28 and we’ve never been apart during the holidays…until last year. I mustlittlebynums tell you that although we already knew Christmas is not about the gifts, last year we live it. We had a tree full of gifts and no desire to unwrap them. Because my husband Skyped us and wanted to see us open the gifts he sent us, we honored his request. We cried during that entire video call.

My children are 18, 13, and 11 and I overheard them saying they had everything they wanted this year for Christmas and it had nothing to do with the gifts under the tree but the fact that God has brought us together again and allowed us to celebrate Him, makes my heart leap and my eyes weep. They aren’t the type of children who ask for a lot, not for birthdays, Christmas, etc. but to say something so profound with so much passion (especially at their ages) is something only the Lord could have placed in their hearts.

Previously, we had head knowledge that Christmas is about faith and family but now we have heart knowledge…the difference is the experience. Lord, we are eternally grateful.