Caitlin’s Story

babyJanuary 31, 2014 didn’t fit the norm. I had switched my day off with a co-worker and dragged my feet toward the doctor’s office to figure out why hadn’t felt up to par as of late. As I pulled into the parking lot, I tried my hardest to prepare for what lay ahead. Though I only waited in the lobby a few minutes, they seemed like an eternity. When my turn arrived to head toward the examination room, I fought to maintain my composure even as it quickly dwindled away. I felt like a lifeless shell going through the motions.

After completing the test, the young lady looked confused and said we needed to wait another minute, as something didn’t seem right. I suspected the outcome, but wasn’t fully prepared to hear it.

“Congratulations, Miss Hood, you are pregnant.”

Anyone who knows me can attest that I want nothing more in this world than to be a wife and mother. Every emotion imaginable whirled inside me at once. I was a happy, emotional, nervous wreck.

As I attempted to pull myself together to safely make it home, the reality started to sink in. I was going to have a baby. Like any newly expecting mother, I started looking up everything I could related to babies, and my excitement grew with time. I also began to accept the fact that it didn’t go as planned or the way I had been raised. But I would take the bull by the horns and forge a future for myself — for us.

During this time, I craved chips all the time and couldn’t go a day without Raising Cane chicken (yes, I know what you are probably thinking), but I couldn’t rid myself of those cravings. I felt fat and gross every day but was okay with it because I knew that soon I would hold my new baby, or so I thought.

Not knowing what to expect while expecting, I Googled everything and asked my sister and best friend if things progressed normally. But nothing prepared me for what would come. I remember Wednesday, February 19, 2014 as if it happened yesterday. A few hours remained in my work shift, but something didn’t feel right, so I called the nurse and she told me to go to the hospital immediately. I was a wreck. I hadn’t planned for my parents to find out this way. I hadn’t even gone for my first ultrasound. As we drove to the hospital, I tried to convince myself that it couldn’t possibly be happening to me. That day proved to be the longest, most emotionally and physically draining day I’ve ever experienced.

The nurses ran tests and did ultrasounds but couldn’t tell me anything. Was I not as far along as I initially thought? Or had I just lost my baby girl? (Though still too early to know the gender, my gut told me I carried a girl.) But how could they not know for sure what was wrong with my baby?

I went to a specialist they recommended for blood work, and yet again, no one could give me answers. The days that followed seemed like an eternity as they passed with no word from the doctors. Then, while on my way to dinner with my boyfriend, I received the dreaded call.

“Miss Hood, I’m so sorry for your loss.”

Someone might as well have sucked the life right out of me. The effect proved no different. Why was this happening to me?

At times, I still fight anger and sadness, but I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that my day will come. Someday I will become a wife and mother, and experience that unconditional love. I never had the chance to feel her kick, but one day I will hold her in my arms and count her fingers and toes. I long for that moment, but for now God isn’t done with me here. I will always carry that pain, but I also hold the hope of a future. So until then, Baby Girl, Mommy loves you much and yearns to wrap you in her arms.

Guest post by Caitlin Hood.

Guest Blogger: Christina Patterson

Dear Daughter: Thoughts on Becoming A Woman

Mother-talking-to-daughterWhen I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 1 Corinthians 13:11

I remember being in middle school and talking with my friends about what it would be like to go to high school. We talked about giving ourselves new nick names, dressing differently, and growing our hair out. We prayed for boyfriends and bigger breasts. We wanted a great distinction between our middle school selves and our new high school selves. In high school we thought about college. In college we thought about our future independent career and family driven selves. The transition from shopping at 579 to Learner New York was epic. We were growing up and we desperately wanted the world to know we were not little girls anymore. We were women.

I believe many girls feel this way. Crossing from being a girl to womanhood is a special and sacred honor every woman wants to experience and live. We all desire to be different from our past selves. We want to grow and mature and we want the world to know. It is completely right to feel this way. We should be growing, we should be maturing, the world should notice a difference.

This is especially true for the Christian woman. But our transformation into womanhood should not look like the worlds. It should look more and more like Christ.

I understand that many times this actually contradicts with the world’s view of what it means to be a woman. We constantly see and hear that being a woman is about doing whatever you want, dressing more “mature” by showing more skin, and gaining the attentiomotherdaughtertalkingn of men.

The Christian woman who does not do what she wants, but what her God wants; the one who dresses modestly to respect the body her Lord created, and who is more concerned with the thoughts of God about her than that of man; at times completely contradicts what the world says about what it means to be a woman.

But we are not defined by the world ladies. We are defined by our creator, the one who came up with the idea of male and female, man and woman. As you grow up, and you will, I encourage you, I ask you, I pled with you to grow into the woman God wants you to be, not who the world says you should be.

I hope you know that the core, the heart of what it is to be a woman is more about what we don’t see than what we do. See we all get breasts, our periods, even hair on our legs. We are all either girls becoming women or we are women. Yet, that does not seem to be enough. Deep down we know womanhood is more than the way our bodies naturally function, it’s more than putting on lipstick and wearing pantyhose. It’s mental and most certainly spiritual.

Womanhood is about honor, integrity, and respect. It’s about making decisions that honor our God, even when no one is looking. It’s about respecting who God made us, both on the inside and out. It’s about making hard and sacrificial decisions to do this. The decisions that mature us to be more like Christ and less like the world. The world does not need more provocatively dressed women, women focused on the attention of man for their own satisfaction, or women who are solely consumed with themselves. The world, even if it does not know it, needs women who are more like Christ. Women who will lay down their lives to allow the light of Christ radiate through them in a dark world that desperately needs that light.

I don’t want you to stay a little girl. I want you to grow and flourish and mature into the woman God made you to be. I want you to be an example to the world about what it means to be a woman. I want you to do this because when we do, you invite all women to do the same.

Let your ChristinaPiclight shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven. – Matthew 5:16 NASB

© 2013 Christina Patterson

Christina Patterson is a wife, mom, and founder of Beloved Women.  She obtained her Masters in Theological Studies from Liberty University.  With a deep passion for women’s ministry, she has a desire to see women fulfilled and free through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.  Learn more at www.belovedwomen.org