Grief & Joy Can Coexist

While I suffered the darkest years of chronic pain, I learned a lot about grief, about loss. It was hard to live inside a day experiencing so much physical pain. I hung up my dreams and resigned myself to a short life. I let my broken body rule my emotions. I grieved in the wrong way — without God. I forsook joy though I had every reason to know it. I became bitter and let physical pain wipe out gratitude.

griefandjoy
 

We have all been there in one way or another. We have lamented without God, and in the long process of heartache, we forget the joy we have in Him. Somewhere along the way, I learned that grief and joy can coexist. I can feel both.

Christmas Time Trial (continued final)

warefamily in2008As I mentioned at the end of last week’s article, George and I argued about how the other was ‘handling’ the stress of our baby’s diagnosis. It was a very stressful time in our marriage. I may not recall exactly what we did for Christmas that year but with Brandon in the home for Christmas, my regular way to celebrate with him was to have him read Luke 2, Jesus announcement of birth and the Shepherds arriving.

After reading the verses, he would open one gift on Christmas Eve and the rest Christmas day. I remember trying to keep peace around him so as not to stress him out.

George and I grieved and processed separately. I remember being on my own to pray, cry, process. A friend of mine was very near death during December and when I got word he was in his last few moments, I remember asking if I could come over and see him. I wasn’t allowed to because his family didn’t want anyone to see him looking so bad. I was devastated because my thought was to go over and send a message through him to God asking him to save Miles. I cried good and long for not being able to get that message to this man’s ear to take with him to Heaven. I knew I was praying and lots of others were praying but I still wanted to get the message to God through one of his mighty warriors. My friend died in December 2007 and my Miles was born in January 2008.

My scheduled date came, January 23, 2008. I was induced. We waited and waited. I don’t dilate much so we had to do a C-section. We had a room full of people waiting anxiously. My sister and Mom were among them. Friends brought my Brandon from school to the hospital.

Miles Ethan Ware made his debut at 9:41 AM. He lived a little less than two hours. He was loved by many in his life, my prayer is he drew many to Jesus his loving Savior!

God bless you this Christmas May you seek goodness in all your days!
 
Matthew 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.
Starlet

Christmas Time Trial (continued)

Last week, I talked about our high risk pregnancy where we were asked if we wanted to carry our baby  to term or have an abortion. We, of course, chose to carry to term because this little life had a chance so long as God was on his throne and we prayed and had others praying in agreement with us.

babyangelAfter the doctor’s appointment was over, I went back to work and sent an update email letting everyone know how to pray specifically for us and our baby. The response was so encouraging and amazing. People forwarded my emails on to their praying friends and family and sent up prayers on our behalf. I was so thankful we were covered with prayers because my George was having a really, tough time dealing because he blamed himself for the diagnosis.

He felt like his choices were the cause of our baby’s health issues. Isn’t that what we do? We do have consequences for our sins but I don’t believe we are powerful enough to cause sickness in an unborn.

Ezekiel 18:20

The person who sins is the one who will die. A son won’t suffer punishment for the father’s iniquity, and a father won’t suffer punishment for the son’s iniquity. The righteousness of the righteous person will be on him, and the wickedness of the wicked person will be on him.

As our pregnancy continued, we had many debates, arguments because George thought I wasn’t ‘sad’ enough and he felt since I already had a child, I wasn’t really concerned. I would explain over and over that I had put Miles into God’s hands and whatever the outcome was, it would be OK with me. I did pray a lot during this time that God would allow a miracle so the doctor who didn’t know him would witness the miracle and accept Jesus.

Hang in there with me, I will tell the rest of the story next week.

God’s ways are higher than our ways and He is in heaven doing what He wants to do,
Starlet