Love for the Lost

loveforthelostMy healing journey began when I reached out for help for my two daughters. I was reeling with the reality of Dad molesting my little girls along with my day care children. In getting help for my children, memories started surfacing in my own mind about Dad molesting me. I remembered that Dad told me I was ugly, that I “made him do this”, and the most damaging, “God will never love you!” Seeing a counselor gave me tools to live daily life while I struggled to heal.

Over a period of five years, one memory started reoccurring. Pure terror rushed through my veins, shaking my whole body. I gagged and choked. I screamed inside my head, “l can’t breathe! NO, NO, NOl” Then everything went black. I was an emotional mess for days after. I was so frustrated to be “stuck” at this part of the memory. I begged God to let it surface, heal me, and let me move forward. I believed this memory was the key to remembering my lost childhood.

My friend told me about her Pastor who was trained in a healing prayer tool called God’s Light. I was cautiously hopeful and scheduled an appointment. We started praying and Pastor Darrel invited the Lord to be with us. I opened my heart to Jesus. Not long into our prayer session the choking memory started. The Pastor knew that this was as far as I ever got. I remember hearing him ask Jesus to keep me from “passing out”. Then Pastor asked Jesus to show me the truth. Jesus “ran” a video picture in my mind. Dad and I were in my bedroom in the basement of our home when I was six. I was lying on the bed, choking, and Dad was standing at the foot of the bed. I looked at Dad, and he became a moving double exposure picture. Dad was standing there, and Satan stepped out of him. When I reported this to Pastor he said, “Jesus, now show her where you are”. I looked up from my bed and saw Jesus standing by my right side. He was holding a “dead looking” little girl. Me. I cried out in the present time “Ohhh!” Truth had triumphed and I was finally able to believe; Jesus loves me. Jesus LOVES me!! Jesus loves ME!!!  I felt His love wrap tenderly around me and heal every wound from that episode.

I did not regain my lost childhood memories. What I received is infinitely more precious than memories of a very painful past. Jesus restored my relationship with my Father God. Nothing is more important in my life today. Jesus exchanged my pain for His peace. He wants to do the same for you. His precious, priceless love is for everyone, especially the lost.

“But God demonstrates His own love for us in this; while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

Valerie

 

Faith for the Falling

faithforthefalling1I was angry at God for years, starting at age nine, because He didn’t stop my dad from verbally and sexually abusing me.  I didn’t tell anyone what dad did to me because he told me not to tell.  I believed with all of my little girl heart that He COULD have stopped dad but He just WOULDN’T stop him. Since He didn’t, I decided to take care of myself. I was all alone and on my own.

I still went to church, read my Bible daily, and stayed out of trouble as much as I could. I wanted to follow Jesus. To be “a good girl” meant stuffing all of the pain deep down inside so I couldn’t feel it any more. It went so deep that I finally convinced myself the bad stuff never even happened. The truth is that all of the pain and misery still boiled inside of me. My pain came out in wrong behavior. I didn’t get addicted to drugs or alcohol, but I got addicted to my own adrenaline. I believed the lie that a man broke me so a man had to fix me. Men became my god, and I pressured them into stopping my pain. They never lived up to my expectations. When I found out that dad had molested my two daughters and my daycare girls, I could no longer deny that something was dreadfully wrong in my life. I didn’t seek help for myself, but I swallowed my pride and looked for help for my girls. What a surprise! Getting help for my girls started my own healing journey!

I believed one of the biggest lies the enemy Satan tells us is that we are alone in our suffering and misery. He tells us that no one will ever care, especially God. The enemy is correct in one respect. We stay alone in our suffering and misery as long as we believe his lie. Satan doesn’t want us to reach out to God. If we take one tiny little miniscule step in faith toward God, if we can believe there is the slightest hope that God has the answer for our pain, the enemy knows his game is over. God already gave us the answer for all of the hurt, for all of the pain. He gave us His one and only Son Jesus Christ, who is willing and able to exchange our pain for His perfect peace.

“For God so loved the world (that means you, dear reader) that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

May you be faithful to God…even if you fall,

Valerie