My childhood was so painful that I can’t remember most of it. God, in His mercy, allowed only a handful of memories to surface during the many years of my healing process. One memory I had to deal with was about my mother. The hardest part about allowing this memory to surface was that I had to re-live the pain just one more time. I had to feel abandoned again. I had to cry again. However, my desire for healing was stronger than my fear of the pain. I asked Jesus to come with me, and I let the memory surface. I felt again the devastation Mom caused in me by abandoning me to Dad’s perversion. She knew what he was doing. She saw him hurting me, and she just walked away.
Why did God have me deal with this memory so many years after Mom passed away? I couldn’t call her up to tell her I forgave her. I couldn’t ask for her forgiveness for all the anger I had against her. I had the answer the minute I chose to forgive her. It wasn’t about my mom. It was about me. Forgiving my mom set me free!
So how can we even think of going back to that place of pain? How can we forgive the unforgivable? Maybe we believe we hurt more than anyone else on earth. I know I did. Or we believe that holding onto a grudge really hurts our those who hurt us and our unforgiveness can somehow make them pay for our pain. It doesn’t work that way, my friend. The truth is we only hurt ourselves when we hold a grudge.
Forgiving others is our choice, it’s not about how we feel. Does choosing to forgive sound too simple? It is. It’s just not easy. It’s one of the hardest things we’ll ever have to do! Jesus is the only One who can help us face our pain. He not only helps us be willing to want to forgive, He walks with us every step of the way. It’s so worth the struggle because He heals our wounds forever. I can visit my memory of abandonment without any pain, even after all of these years.
God’s Word says “by His stripes we were healed.” His healing is perfect. It is final. It is complete. God will heal you if you will let Him. Or you can hang on to your pain. The choice is yours.
“Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.” John 8:36