In The Wait of God

terryonepilepsy“I’m sorry Mr. and Mrs. Bynum but your son has epilepsy.”

I knew something strange was going on with my son. He would have these moments of “spacing out” and unresponsiveness and when he came out of it he wouldn’t remember anything. Initially no one noticed but me because I spent the most time with him. I asked my husband about it and at first he hadn’t noticed and then one day he observed this strange behavior himself. We shared our concerns with a few family members and some of the responses were unbelievable, “he’s just being a boy,” “he’s ignoring you,” “boys just don’t listen,” “you’re overreacting,” etc. No matter what they said there was a nagging in my soul that wouldn’t rest, I knew something was wrong and I began to pray. My husband and I both began to watch and pray…and wait.

Can I be honest with you? I am not a patient person. I hate waiting. Unfortunately, the world we live in today completely caters to my inability to wait. Inevitably, there are times in life that waiting is the only option available. Like it or not.

The situation (my family and) I encountered with my sons’ epileptic diagnosis forced me to learn firsthand what it means to be “in the wait of God” and it has given me a different perspective on the subject.

First, let me point out the fact that God is a timeless God. He does not operate within the restraints of time. He is not restricted by time. He is the creator of time and therefore He is not subject to it. Unlike His creation, we are bound by its laws and obligated to function within its realms.

Now, let’s define the word wait. Wait has a several definitions. We will discuss three.

WAIT:  1. to remain inactive or in a state of repose, until something expected happens

2. to be available or in readiness

3. to remain neglected for a time

Definition number three jumped out to me because when we are waiting on God to respond to our urgent need, we feel neglected until He moves. As long as He is silent we feel forgotten about which is amazing because He is omniscient or all knowing. How is it possible for an all knowing Father to abandon His child? It isn’t possible. We know this but yet we struggle with it each time we’re met with a situation that we deem worthy of God’s immediate attention. However, while we’re in the wait of God we fail to realize what is taking place  spiritually. Hope, trust, and faith are simultaneously being strengthened or weakened. Often times the outcome of the situation is the determining factor.

Definition number two gave me pause. When we are unexpectedly thrown into a chaotic situation would we describes ourselves as available or ready while we’re in the wait of God? I don’t know about you, but for me the answer to that question is absolutely not! I’ve not made myself available to God for crying out loud I need God to be available for me. Is that how you feel? I’m neither available nor ready for anything but a quick miraculous solution to my problem.

Finally definition number three is probably the most out of character for me sad to say. I don’t remain still until something expected happens. I beg, I plead, and sometimes even bargain with God in a desperate attempt to spare me from whatever awful situation is looming over me.

I realized that I needed to reevaluate this “in the wait of God” concept.

While we were praying, watching, and waiting our son’s “episodes” were getting worse. Lasting longer and growing more violent. He would have these occurrences without any warning. We called his pediatrician and she got him in immediately and sent him to a pediatric neurologist. Well if you know anything about specialist, it usually takes a while to get an appointment, however our pediatrician voiced the urgency of the situation and God opened a door that allowed us to get in within a week.

We checked in to Children’s Hospital on the day of his testing. (The pediatric neurologist wanted to run tests before she would see him.) It was an all-day process. The nurse initially told us that it would take about a week or two for the results to come and they would call us with more information and set up an appointment at that time if it was necessary. When the tests were complete, the nurse pulled me to the side and said, we’ll be calling you tomorrow morning because the doctor will want to see him tomorrow afternoon.

My heart skipped a few beats and I took a deep breath.

One of the longest 24 hour periods (my family and) I have had to endure. Praying. Watching. Waiting. Needless to say, sleep escaped me (and my family) that night. The following afternoon we entered the patient’s room at the pediatric neurologist’s office and waited for the news from the doctor.

“I’m sorry Mr. and Mrs. Bynum but your son tested positive for epilepsy.” “However,” she continued, “if I had to have epilepsy, this would be the one I’d choose.” You see, he’ll grow out of this around the time he’s a teenager. He shouldn’t have issues with obtaining a license either. This type of epilepsy is easily controlled by medication. We already know most of his triggers so you’ll know what to avoid. I want to see him every few months unless something changes or he has a seizure. We’ll teach you how to respond if he has a Grand seizure and write out an action plan for the school, babysitters, etc.

It’s been a while since that day at the hospital. It’s been a learning process. It’s been hard at times (especially when he had a Grand seizure because of a high fever), however, even in sickness, God gave us favor…but we had to wait.